Monday, December 10, 2012

Thoughts from Within

Everything you have said runs through my brain, I pick each conversation over while I’m alone until the words lose their meanings. I make an effort to refrain from correcting your opinions and store each accusation in my chest as an issue I’ll seek to resolve privately.

My initial liking of you was never a façade and my intent was not to make you endure unnecessary pain-these are truths you may not believe and I've prohibited myself from blaming you when this much time has had to elapse before I could be honest with myself.

I talked to her today, the person who divulged a fallacious truth with you, she remembered the encounter and relieved to me her intent- she wanted me to cease being afraid of acting on desires I felt guilty over. She’s right, it was a complicated situation, and in trying to do what I had concluded to be the right course of action I had left me wretched and you scathed. I did feel guilty and obligated to pay penance for my actions but I should have considered your pains too.

I thought that by severing all ties I was doing the right thing, that you would move on faster- I never intended for you to feel abandoned or to let the rejection ferment and fester. I am sorry, I was wrong, and am seeking out a way to obtain redemption for myself.

I never wanted to accept that I liked you as much as I do, but as she pointed out- I always have.
I would love to be optimistic and revel in the possibility that what I’m doing to correct my mistakes is enough, but I am well aware of the fact that I may be too late.

Of course, I could be too late as the girl I was, maybe you’ll give the woman I am a chance.

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