Monday, November 29, 2010

Memory Evoking Music

Isn’t it interesting how music affects our moods? Its ability to evoke repressed emotions can be overwhelming on rainy days.
The song plays in the background and I’m unable to fend off the thoughts it brings. Without my consent, I’m in two places at once and time no longer exists. The lyrics echo from far away, reminding me that the changes occurring are the spawn of my decisions.
Seconds trickle by before I’m aware I’m walking past him; my rehearsed smile is practiced and permanent. No one has a chance of noticing my eyes glisten from the tears that are falling on the inside. A familiar tingling sensation travels through me and I know you’re looking at me. I swallow and fight to control the acid; with rehearsed discipline I raise my head, but I can’t force my eyes to meet yours. I’m not ashamed of my choices, but I’m afraid you will be. I hold my breath and remind myself, “These tears are mine.”
A moment has elapsed; you’re still here, watching me as the silent screams echo in my head. My throat is beginning to ache from fighting my apprehension. I’m convulsing inside, the sickness is overwhelming but I’m fighting to remain composed. My time with you is the only chance I have to forget--to forget that I’m drowning inside.
I know it’s not fair, but you’re stuck saving me from myself. The dry tears pool inside; their shadows will themselves to be present on my skin. My throat opens enough to allow the words to escape. Those words I’ve been too afraid to say are finally spoken. You accept my confession, but I still wonder, “Will it be OK?”

No comments:

Post a Comment